Live Blogging: The Postman

8:48. A girl narrates. Kevin Costner is wearing Oakleys. They look like they have coral growing on them.

He is yelling at his horse and testing the water. It is purple. He says to his horse, "You ain't picky Bill. That's what I like about you."

8:50. Kevin Costner hallucinates. He thinks he sees sorority girls in a a convertible.

8:51. Still talking to his horse. He has found a broken TV. He is pretending that it works. He wants Bill to watch.

A deer scares him. Bill is a mule actually.

8:53. This is just like The Road right?

Still talking to the mule.

Now Kevin Costner is Macbeth. He is sword fighting his mule. The mule has a sword in his mouth. Somehow the future is filled with the cast of Newsies.

8:57. Kevin Costner just told someone named Larry, "Bite me."

Bad men have just shown up. General Bethlehem! He is smelling his new soldiers to see if they are acceptable or not. He just turned away a "Mongloyd." The Mongloyd was unacceptable.

9:05. Giovanni Ribisi! (playing his character from The Other Sister).

All of the soldiers are kind of wearing Oakleys.

9:08. Ribisi is giving Kevin something to sip from a tin cup. It's nice to see that everything to survive the veiled nebulous apocalypse is tin and from the 1860s.

9:09. It's weird that the future apocalypse looks like City of Industry. Maybe the future is now?

9:10. Dinner time. Suprise! They are eating Kevin's mule Bill. Bill in food form looks like a leftover from the Hook food fight scene.

Maybe this is just how Giovanni Ribisi is?

9:12. General Thinly Veiled Christ Metaphor is treating the soldiers to a screening of a Dolf Lundgren film.

9:14. Mercy is for the weak. Terror will defeat reason!

9:17. Some just accused Kevin Costner as having some (derogatory term for an African American) in him.

9:18. General (sort of) Jesus sold copy machines before the nebulous war!

General J.C. has my hairline.

9:22. This is getting better. Kevin Costner is now known as Shakespeare.

9:23. Rope Bridge!!!!!!! Running!!!! To kill a lion!!!!

9:30. The lion just ate a racist.

9:34. Kevin is cold and rainy wet.

Ryan Patterson is going to come by and we're going to do this live now.